I recently had one of those days when you feel you’re just invisible to your loved ones. Some days we just feel unappreciated. Like our feelings don’t matter. Women will feel this more, because more often than not we are the ones who end up doing most of the housework and a million other things anyway. It just ‘falls upon’ us, somehow. Even in homes where chores are delegated and the kids (grudgingly?) chip in to reduce the workload of the woman of the house, the woman still does a major chunk of the stuff that makes a ‘house’, a ‘HOME’. And Some days, we just want to sit and sigh about it.
A few days ago when I was caught up between wallowing in self pity and self loathing (ALL of us are entitled to a little ‘me’ time, aren’t we J), I thought about myKindness Project and it suddenly occurred to me, I completely forgot to share the importance of being kind to OURSELVES. How come most of us place ourselves last in our list of people to care for, do things for? Think of it for a bit. Are you kind to yourself?
I am going to begin with SLOWING DOWN. Have you, like I had, forgotten to sit down with a cup of tea and relax, spend a little quiet time with yourself? Go back to doing one thing at a time. When I felt overwhelmed the other day, I sat down and had a good cry. Guys should try it too, its great detox! Then I decided to do whatever it takes for me to feel better, because really, only you can fix whatever is bothering you. Even if it may be about someone else’s behaviour with you, only you can fix it by either deciding to not let it bother you or by saying something.
I decided to stop doing more than 3 things at a time or in quick succession, like I need to tick them off my mental checklist. I decided to let a few chores be postponed to be dealt with whenever I felt at ease. You really should try doing this someday – break away from your routine ‘duties’ or schedule and spend a day slowing down. Reconnect with an old hobby. Put your feet up and read a good book. Take a well deserved break and rejuvenate, mentally and physically. Remember though, this is completely different from spending quality time with kids or your spouse. Think of this as spending quality time with yourself.
When you do this, a simple truth will become very clear to you. You’ll wonder why you didn’t see it before. You’ll see that people started taking you for granted AFTER you started taking yourself for granted. You’ll see that YOU are most unkind to yourself. More unkind and inconsiderate to yourself than anyone else is. It all started with the way you treat yourself. So really, if you want others to be more considerate of your feelings, first you need to be more considerate to yourself. You need to go easy on yourself and throw away your yardstick by which you measure yourself against your idea of ‘an ideal husband/wife/parent/spouse/friend’ and the many other roles you play in your life.
At the end of the day, when youre feeling much better, resolve to treat yourself with kindness everyday. You can go back to being supermom, superdad and everything else tomorrow. But tomorrow after you wake up, lie awake in the bed for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that you can only be the best of everything if you take good care of yourself. Do not resent anyone for not caring about your more than you care about yourself. Remember to BE KIND TO YOURSELF. During the day, remind yourself to do atleast one thing lovingly for yourself. It could be something as simple as enjoying a leisurely meal, taking the time to savor each bite or spending a little extra time in prayer. Get a nice haircut maybe. Are you forever on a diet? I cant think of a more unkind thing you could do to yourself! Or just watch the sunset. Spending quiet ‘me’ time with nature is like being hugged by your mother. Mother Nature will tell you how much you’ve been missed and that its nice to reconnect with you after so long. You know that lovely serene feeling you get if you really observe the wonders of nature? That’s just her welcoming you back into her embrace..like coming back to mom’s home where your siblings are already enjoying their day. Do anything that makes you feel better. Remember not to beat yourself up about silly things. Remember that it is OK to leave a few chores for tomorrow.
Remember to be kind to yourself, everyday.
Happy Women’s Day to you/ the awesome women in your life.
Lots of love, happiness and peace to you and your loved ones!